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Help for a friend, please

First, apologies in advance to anyone rubbed by this query, but I can't think of a better place to ask..

I have a friend whose husband of many years wants a sex change. He is determined and focussed on his own needs. She feels bereaved and betrayed. He has a counsellor and other  people helping his life change. She hasn't. Where can she go for support and advice? Books, websites, organisations...

She is Black, British, Christian, mother, and doesn't want this to be happening.

Thank you, for her.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
fjm
3rd Mar, 2009 21:51 (UTC)
This is really tough, and I've seen it happen before. The person "finding themselves" can find help, and it is often given in ways which inadvertantly deny the reality of the life lived before. A friend of mine's husband came out as gay, and everyone was so busy being supportive, they never thought how much his declaration that "I've never been in love before" and "I never really fancied women" was hurting her and screwing with her sense of what was and wasn't real.

That said, I'm not sure where to look except to yourself. You know trans people. You know her. The best thing you can do is to be supportive and help her listen to her husband but also care for herself.

I can suggest a movie, _Normal_ which is set in a Christian community.
surliminal
3rd Mar, 2009 21:55 (UTC)
i'd guess rozk knows what there is - is she on your friends list?
stevegreen
3rd Mar, 2009 21:56 (UTC)
Difficult one. Much as, within reason, everyone should achieve personal happiness, it's quite obvious this is going to be at the expense of his wife's. Some women have been able to adapt to such enormous changes within the marital dynamic; from your description, it seems unlikely she would fall into that category. Your choice of the word "bereaved" seems painfully appropriate, and perhaps that would be the kind of organisation worth approaching. This is a very sad situation: everyone is going to lose, including their child(ren). I applaud you for trying to help your friend.
oreouk
3rd Mar, 2009 22:22 (UTC)
The Beaumont Society, and specifically The Women of the Beaumont Society, is probably a good place to start.
http://www.gender.org.uk/wobsmatters/
http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/wobs/index.html
daveon
3rd Mar, 2009 23:56 (UTC)
That was the one I was about to link to.
ffutures
3rd Mar, 2009 22:42 (UTC)
Another vote for talking to rozk.
cherylmmorgan
4th Mar, 2009 00:43 (UTC)
Another vote for the Beaumont Society folks.

Found these people via the Press for Change web site http://www.depend.org.uk/.

For a Christian angle, these people sound quite good:
http://www.mccmanchester.co.uk/

If kids are involved, these folks are a delight (though US-based):
http://www.colage.org/

Feel free to email me.
the_maenad
4th Mar, 2009 15:12 (UTC)
If she's a net person, she may find Laura's to be of assistance:

http://www.lauras-playground.com/support_index.htm

(Ignore the silly name: it's by no means a 'playground'.)
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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